A Self Portrait From Erin Last Year Sometime
I just wanted to wish my 9yr old daughter Erin the Happiest of Birthdays Ever!
Photo Credit: Trent Nelson - Photojournalist Salt Lake Tribune
I am absolutely astonished at how things work in this country. I’d like to see CPS abolished. More bad happens in CPS than in the so called “abusive” families. Also, to all citizens, politicians, etc. in Texas I’d like to tell you that you’ve impacted your own economy with this. I’d like to see a “Texas Size” (got it Freedom Lovers???) boycott of the state. I’ve decided I will NEVER EVER set foot in your state again. I’ll never give to your economy, or support anything in your state. You think you’re the biggest bullies. Don’t mess with Texas is your slogan. Woo Hoo, you’re such toughies, you can make women in prairie dresses (that ironically not too many years ago all women in Texas wore) cry. You can intimidate them. I guess your jollies wore off after the torching of the Branch Davidian Complex. I bet you’re just so saddened by the fact that these people didn’t put up a fight and cared enough about their children to protect them from people with guns and tanks.
Please go here to support the FLDS - Free the Innocent FLDS
Congrats Texas I hope you pay for time and all eternity!
I pray to our Heavenly Father above that he correct this injustice, and to watch over all involved in this tragedy.
My daughter Jessica will be turning twelve in the fall, and I’m looking forward to the opportunities it will give her. The thing that I’m concerned the most about is that she has a disability. She has seizures, and because of oxygen deprivation when she was younger after one she has suffered brain damage. She also has learning disabilities, and communication problems. She’s an absolutely lovely child though. She’s kind, caring, and about as compassionate as they come. If any of her siblings are hurting, or just need someone although she can’t really hold up her end of the conversation she’s an astute listener. She’s also very affection (she loves to give hugs). My concern is that the other girls aren’t going to be accepting of her because of her disabilities. What advice would you give to a very nervous Mommy, as her daughter is about to enter Young Women for the first time?
Whenever it gets towards the end of the month I get to thinking about Devon. We’re coming up on three months since he died. While I realize that he isn’t here, there are just times when I get to thinking and it’s just absolutely unbelievable. When I look at his pictures from last summer, when he looked so healthy it’s just unreal to think that he’s been gone almost three months. I really miss that kid, and I so wish I could pick up the phone and just say hi.
I wish I could send him orange tic tacs. I’ll never be able to look at a pack of them again and not think of him. He was just so kind, precious, and sweet. I know that he’s gone on to do much more important and greater things than we’re doing on earth, but it still doesn’t deaden the pain. It’s makes it not hurt so bad, but nothing will ever take it away completely.
I also wanted to include a video that was on the slide show of all his pictures at his funeral. It’s One More Day, sung by Diamond Rio.
What a rude “awake”ning that I had this morning. First off, I worked way too late last night (probably brought upon by the time change I’m about to speak about). So, I got all of two hours of sleep last night TOTAL (and that wasn’t too restful given the fact that I was afraid I’d oversleep my alarm because I knew I was going to be tired). Well, I get up (before the alarm goes off by two minutes) and it’s pitch dark. But, I knew I had to do a bunch of stuff before the kids woke up so I was feverishly doing those things.
Then came the task of waking the kids up, and what a bear that was. It was still dark, and they were far from thrilled. But, I was so proud of how each of them handled it. Because Jessi has so many morning issues anyway her defensive posture was understandable. But she handled it like a champ (I did carry her out of her bedroom just because I’m a nice Mommy [I’m sure my back will appreciate that later on today and this week]). Abe got up after taking a few moments. Erin just laid there (she doesn’t ride the bus like the other three so she steals a little more sleep in the morning). Last but not least Austin I had to coax out. But given the day and the situation he did pretty darn well.
I’m feeling utterly exhausted right now, and I think that after I take Erin to school that I am going to catch me a nap before my scheduled calls this afternoon. I think I’ll be a whole lot more coherent by then.
How did you fare on this first school/work day after the time change? In the long run I really do love it, because I get to enjoy that extra sunlight at the end of the day (definitely perfect for Summer) but man those first few days afterward are just a killer. What are your thoughts? Please share!
Picture of what’s left of my Snow Angel after a little snow melt.
I grew up in Metro-Detroit. It was a given every winter that it would snow, sometimes big and sometimes small. But there was little doubt that it would happen. As a child of Michigan (like children of all cold northern states) I remember waiting by my radio to hear my school districts name be called as canceled for the day, then screech in delight as I heard it or pout because I didn’t hear it and I had to brave my way to school. It was a tradition. When I was little my Mom dressed me before school, and boy did she ever keep me warm with the gloves and scarves and boots and such. I remember getting an award in Elementary School for “The Most Warmly Dressed Student” (I kid you not, they actually gave out an award for that). So, I was set in the younger years. When I began dressing myself though, I didn’t pay attention to the details as closely as my Mother did. So, I’d end up freezing my hands, ears, or feet off because I just didn’t bother to take the time to dress warm enough for the conditions. This unpreparedness made me hate winter. I’d get the worst ear aches, and have the most cold hands, and my tennis shoes would be soaked by the time I arrived home from the walk from school. Talk about stupid, I wish I would have just “got with the program” and wore warmer clothes so I could have enjoyed the winter more.
I moved where I am now after Graduation from High School, and moved to a bit warmer climate. We occasionally would get a big snow, but that was far from the norm. It did get cold, and there was a pretty big ice storm in February of 1994 the same week that my Uncle Tom died (which made it treacherous to get to the cometary with the ground frozen solid). But, even though it was a bit better on the snow side, there was a definite winter.
From here I moved to Northwest Indiana to go to school at Valparaiso University. The brief time I was there, there were several snows, and I remember walking to some of the academic halls freezing my butt off. I bought a really awesome sweatshirt from the student store though, that I wore quite regularly because it kept me so very warm. One incident that I remember not being so pleasant though was slipping on some ice and spraining my ankle, and my dorm’s elevator breaking the same day. It was not fun going up those stairs (to floor 4) on crutches. But, nevertheless, we definitely had winter.
After my nine month stint at Valpo I moved to Sunny Florida after meeting my husband online while I was sick at Valpo, and ended up with some really severe respiratory issues. I absolutely fell in love with FL, I loved the fact that during the dead of winter I could walk out to the mailbox with bare feet. I loved the heat, even when it was at it’s worst. I also loved the afternoon thunderstorms (you could almost time it by your watch). I just loved rubbing it in to those northerners that my temperature was 65 while they were in the middle of a snow storm. When it was decided that my family and I would move to Kentucky, I was in a state of absolute dread. Thinking about having to wear winter clothing, never to walk to the mailbox barefoot again. I was very depressed. That first year it was tough, we’d get these driving cold rains and I just could not stand it.
Fast forward, the past year to year-and-a-half I’ve been praying for snow. We don’t get much here, so it’s a big deal when it happens. The first and second year we had a mere dusting here and there. This school year we’ve had several “snow days” for ice and freezing rain. It’s been so disappointing. Yesterday that all changed. We got a very significant amount (I don’t know the official number, but it was several inches). I spent until the wee hours of this morning just watching all the weather websites, waiting for the snow to come. It finally did, and at 2AM this morning I was out in the snow shooting pictures and just letting it fall down on me. The best part though was when the kids woke up they were just itching to go outside and play. I tried to push them off a couple of hours (they were in there around 6AM) since I’d been up so late just waiting for it to come. But they kept bugging me, and around quarter of eight I was up and getting them layered to go outside to play. Abe, Erin, Austin, Joel and I made snow angels, threw snow at each other, and just had the time of our lives. Later on this afternoon Jessica came home from Grandma’s house and she and I went out there and played in the fluffy (now going hard) snow. I really enjoyed the one on one time with her, and she was just having the best time.
I’ve come to really appreciate seasons. While I enjoyed living in Jacksonville, and miss it sometimes. I don’t miss it half as much as I used to. Our life is just not there anymore. Everything feels just so good being here, and we definitely made the right decision to come here. The kids get to spend all kinds of quality time with their grandparents. The kids have a great school, they’re all relatively healthy now, and it’s a great place to raise kids. I do think I want to live in a more northern climate at some point in the kids lives though, the snow experiences are just priceless. Time will only tell what the future holds.
Erin photographs herself (with Mommy’s Camera Phone no less [grin])
This past weekend my Mom went to Cincinnati for a benefit dinner for my brother and his family. The benefit was to help them get back on their feet after the loss of their son, and my nephew Devon. I had planned to go to the dinner, but my own kids ended up sick so I was unable to. I still feel his loss though. I know you’re probably thinking of course you are, but that’s not the point. I know that it’s normal to still be missing him. It’s just such a strange feeling. We’re planning on going there for Spring break so that our kids can play with their cousin’s (Devon’s siblings left behind). In the past whenever we’d do such a thing, Abe, Jessica, and Erin would play with Devon for hours. They played with the other kids as well, but they always gravitated to Devon. He was such a kind and caring soul. He was always kind, and was patient with them given their special needs and impulsiveness at times. When we go for Spring Break though, there will be such a void. We’ll remember the blast we had there last June. The memories will definitely be fresh as they play in the house where Devon lived. I thought about the absolute transformation that their family has gone through. I remember when it was just Jon, Devon, and Corey. Three rambunctious boys. Now when we go there will be Corey, Emily, and Allyson (Jon has moved in with his father back in Michigan). A big change having two girls and a boy from those three boys before. The girls just adore Emily and baby Allyson so they should have a lot of fun, but I know that for Abe it will definitely feel very different. Abe was always the closest to Devon, he and Devon share a common kindness and spirit about them. They connected well. We’ll all make it, and Devon is in a much more peaceful place now, but for those of us back here on earth we’ll continue to miss him dearly.
While we’ve had several of these of late due to ice storms, sleet, freezing rain, and the like this day is special. This is the first “Snow” Day that actually involved the white stuff itself. I’ve been awake since 4:30AM because I just couldn’t sleep (probably contemplating whether today would involve school and all that’s involved with that…i.e. getting everyone up and dressed and fed breakfast, etc.) Well, the call just came in and there is going to be no school today. The main roads are ok, but the secondary roads that those school buses have to traverse are slick and have potential black ice. Since the kids have had so many snow days lately this one probably won’t cause as much glee as some of the others, but we’ll have a good day together, enjoying each other’s company. Erin gets an extra day to do that homework that she neglected to do last night (after much prodding I might add). I hope she “wakes up” and “gets with the program”. Anyway, you enjoy your day…I know I will! 
This website Will Be In Tribute To My Nephew Devon Curling Until January 31st, Exactly One Month After His Death.
Christopher Devon Curling
Born: September 26, 1996
Died: December 31, 2007
Thank you to all of you who cared so much, and prayed so hard. Through all of our pain, we realize that he is now with God and will never feel any more pain. One day we’ll all be together forever!
Lots of Love,
The Family of Devon Curling
Dear Jessica,
It warms my heart to wish you a happy birthday. You’re eleven years old today…I can’t believe that it’s been that long since I held you in my arms for the first time. Know that Mommy loves you, and hopes that you have the best birthday ever
To all of you Moms out there I want to know your morning routines. I especially want to hear from you Moms who have three or more kids. I’ve been struggling to get on a really good routine in the morning. I know that a good morning starts with a good nights rest which I haven’t been getting very much lately, which I’ll admit is self-inflicted more than half the time…
Moving on, if you’ll please post some of your ideas as to how to achieve a peaceful/non-stressed/non-rushed (this MUST be possible people ) morning I’d love to hear them from you. Feel free to send either text, audio, or video comments. I can’t wait to hear from you!
A friend of mine passed this along in an email today, and I wanted to share…
“I’m Invisible”
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I’m thinking, “Can’t you see I’m on the phone?” Obviously not. No one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I’m invisible.
Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?
Some days I’m not a pair of hands; I’m not even a human being. I’m a clock to ask. “What time is it?” I’m a satellite guide to answer, “What number is the Disney Channel?” I’m a car to order, “Right around 5:30, please.”
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She’s going, she’s going, she’s gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . ; Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, “I brought you this.” It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn’t exactly sure why she had given it to me until I read the inscription: “To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.”
In th e days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eye of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, “Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.” And the workman replied, “Because God sees.”
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, “I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become.”
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don’t want my son to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, “My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.” That would mean I’d built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, “You’re gonna love it there.”
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we’re doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.